the.holistic.psychologist
If you’re ready to heal from complex trauma @selfhealers.circle my private healing community opens tomorrow. Comment “WAITLIST” to secure your spot. Do the work in a affordable and accessible space away from social media. I can’t wait to welcome all new members! #selfhealers
the.holistic.psychologist
In this video, the mother is actually feeling: grief. She misses her son and the role he played in her life. She has issues expressing her true feelings (vulnerability is uncomfortable for her) and it’s more comfortable to blaming her daughter in law. In this case, she’s labeling her as controlling because he now has to consider he needs rather than just his mother’s wants. Because she isn’t yet capable of being introspective, she becomes defensive and sticks to her belief that her daughter and law is the issue. The therapist then suggests coping skills for the very valid and thing she’s experiencing (a shift in her relationship with her son.) The therapist also references the enmeshment in her relationship with him. How she has a pattern of going to her son to get her needs met rather than building emotional connection with her husband. Overwhelmed with shame and internal dysregulation she responds with “now I’m the problem!” This is a common response for people who lack the ability to connect with their inner world. For mom to see a bigger picture she will need to develop a stronger sense of self, practice emotional regulation, and face the (what to her feels very overwhelming) reality that her and her son have some unhealthy dynamics between them since childhood. She will also need to focus more on her relationship with her husband something she is (for now) very comfortable avoiding #selfhealers
the.holistic.psychologist
The body keeps score. But what does that actually mean? It means that when we experience complex trauma, it’s our body that’s physically changed. This is why sayings like “just let it go” or “can’t you move on” are meaningless. When we understand biology, we understand our past lives within us. And when our past includes complex trauma— our body is always trying to protect us by staying in a heightened threat state. Complex trauma is trauma that occurs over a period of time. This can be anything from childhood emotional neglect, emotional abuse, abusive relationships, betrayal, financial trauma, abandonment, chronic bullying/shaming, unstable or unpredictable environments. Usually complex trauma happens within our relationships. Where we’re helpless and learn overtime that we must adapt. Over time, the body will show post traumatic stress. Our nervous system will go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In this state we’re dissociated. We’re living life but we’re not in our bodies. We’re hyper-vigilant and on edge because our nervous system is working overtime. Startling easy is quite common. So is fidgeting because our sympathetic nervous system is overloaded. And it’s trying to release some of that energy. Some of us go into functional freeze. We can barely do the dishes. Life feels like a complete chore and we can barely get the energy to brush our teeth. This is the body protecting us— conserving our energy only for survival. Our thoughts are scattered and it’s hard to concentrate. Some of us are told “it’s just anxiety” or we’re exaggerating. But our body says differently. If you rock, rub your arms, or shake your legs, your body is naturally attempting to self soothe. To regulate and bring you back to homeostasis. The body remembers. And it’s wisdom isn’t something to suppress— it’s something to listen to #selfhealers
the.holistic.psychologist