In this video, the mother is actually feeling: grief.

She misses her son and the role he played in her life. She has issues expressing her true feelings (vulnerability is uncomfortable for her) and it’s more comfortable to blaming her daughter in law. In this case, she’s labeling her as controlling because he now has to consider he needs rather than just his mother’s wants.

Because she isn’t yet capable of being introspective, she becomes defensive and sticks to her belief that her daughter and law is the issue. The therapist then suggests coping skills for the very valid and thing she’s experiencing (a shift in her relationship with her son.)

The therapist also references the enmeshment in her relationship with him. How she has a pattern of going to her son to get her needs met rather than building emotional connection with her husband. Overwhelmed with shame and internal dysregulation she responds with “now I’m the problem!”

This is a common response for people who lack the ability to connect with their inner world.

For mom to see a bigger picture she will need to develop a stronger sense of self, practice emotional regulation, and face the (what to her feels very overwhelming) reality that her and her son have some unhealthy dynamics between them since childhood. She will also need to focus more on her relationship with her husband something she is (for now) very comfortable avoiding #selfhealers