can i talk to you about something yeah what's up i just wanted to get on the same page about the fight we had last night okay and i know it takes two to fight and i certainly want to work on making sure i'm not escalating things and i'm being respectful and if you feel like i bring up things in a rude or critical way then i have no problem addressing that alright but i'm just letting you know how to attend that i'm not okay with being called names during a conflict listen i got worked up i said that in the heat of the moment you know i didn't mean that well regardless of whether you meant it or not it's not okay right so in the future once there's any name calling or yelling or aggression i'm just letting you know now that i have to leave the room for thirty minutes do not follow me i'm not being immature and just abandoning this i promise i will come back and have this conversation

i'm just not willing to do so if those things are present told him so you're giving me ultimatums no no this isn't an ultimatum this is just one of my boundary so you're trying to control me i'm not trying to control you you're still free to say whatever you want i'm just reminding you that i'm also free to remove myself from any conversations where there's disrespect or contempt right why don't you just ask me not to call you names because that would be a request not a boundary and then you could choose to honor that or not i make no mistake i am asking you not to call me names but i'm also informing you what my response will be

if you do this has nothing to do with me punishing you

this has everything to do with me respecting and protecting myself