pushing myself and punishing and punishing myself that must be the secret to success i mean i've been doing it my whole life look how far it's gotten me i can't stop now if i take a break or slow down even just for five minutes everything i've worked so hard for in my entire life is going to be taken away now i wish i could say that that was an isolated incident it was not it was as though no matter how many hours i put in or how hard i worked it was never enough to the point where and this was really scary i started waking up every single day and the very first thought that entered my mind the moment might open my eyes with some version of i can't do this anymore i want to run away from my life i wish there was just a way i could disappear and not exist and look i was doing all the things i was eaten brian i was getting enough sleep i was meditating i was journaling i was doing all the things that were supposed to do