to people often in a relationship will craft each other into the idealized version of what they want so i make you more like what i want and you make me more like what you want and i'm happy to become more like what you want and the reason it's called the michelangelo effect is you could imagine michelangelo looking at this huge block of marble and from the outside it's rough hewn but over time he chips away and creates the statue of david so he sees inside of something which isn't perfect the perfection that he wants and over time is able to craft this thing out of it