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Video - @theonion
timeinvestors
2024-03-10 17:07:18
um and it was pizza institute announced yesterday that they are nearing completion of their thirty year study testing the limits of what human beings will eat people willingly ate everything our lab created in fact they pay money for it the results continue to surprise me over the course of the study dominos scientists have found that decreasing the nutritional value at increasing the visual repulsiveness of their pizzas only makes them more popular this applies to the crispy melt pizza it's basically one pizza
converted on top of another pizza it looks like something no animals should consume much less a human one recent creation is constructed out of a cardboard based crust layered in oreo cookie crumbs and drizzled with a wax like substance we hypothesized that the sight of it alone would repulse customers but it became one of the most popular items on the menu the dominos scientists now believe that a certain percentage of human beings may have a genetic predisposition to eat unhealthy foods made from other even unhealthier foods the institute will next test human tolerance of the crispy nacho platter pizza the big new york hot dog pizza and the strawberries and cream milkshake dessert pizza in the final stages of the study we planned to just talk the pieces with actual garbage but judging from our findings people will probably eat those two dr moore said he initially had moral issues with conducting the tests on humans but has since come to see the subjects as quote cheese and sauce consuming beasts
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